Archive for July, 2010

Posted in Uncategorized on July 12, 2010 by sesb2009

wish you were here, dude!

Posted in Uncategorized on July 7, 2010 by sesb2009

colton fan club

Posted in Uncategorized on July 7, 2010 by sesb2009

A lot of you folks who read the Crab Cracker for its groundbreaking news coverage have been following the exploits of our favorite son, homeboy Colton Harris-Moore aka the Bootless Burglar.  Course, you aren’t the only ones subjected to a constant endless onslaught of blurry dock security camera images of the Kid stealing yachts on Lopez or rumors of his whereabouts now.  He’s left money for the dog pound in Raymond, he stole a boat to cross the Columbia River, he tried to steal a plane in Astoria, he ran from a house bare butt naked in South Dakota, he left a car stuck in the Mississippi in Illinois and now he’s flown to the Bahamas for some snorkeling and R&R . Our Boy is on the French 60 Minutes, Britain’s Fleet Street, Brazil’s evening news magazine, Canada’s version of Entertainment Tonight.  He’s in Time, Wired, Outside Magazine, Rolling Stone.  The Taliban are reviewing their ban on television hoping to start a reality show, Where’s Colton, in Pashtun.

     He is, without a doubt, the most famous or infamous person from Camano Island we ever had.  We should probably name the new bridge Colton Causeway.  Why not?  This is, after all, America, new home to the Colton Burger, Coca-Colton, Colton Happy Meal, Colton Action Figures, Colton You Name It.  His Facebook Friends, 40,000 wannabees who think the burgled are rich and deserving, wish him well.  ‘Go, Colt, Go!  Fly, Colt, Fly!!’  ‘Just don’t hurt nobody, dude!’

     In this age of Amber Alerts where freeway signs broadcast the latest childnapper’s car license and vehicle make to a million  vicarious vigilante Crime Stoppers carrying cellphones, it is amazing, AMAZING, that this kid is so totally off the grid that he can move virtually undetected through the American Wasteland.  Barefoot, not likely.  But he doesn’t have a cellphone, a credit card, a license, a vehicle in his name, anything, really, to put him in the sights of 21st Century Law Enforcement.  My grocery store knows more about me than the Sheriff knows about Colton.  The Kid lives where the rest of us have long since abandoned.

     Call me a Facebook Fan and slap me with a stolen credit card, but the part of me that roots for any Underdog says, kind of quietly and maybe with  a touch of guilt, go, kid, go.  Just don’t hurt anybody, dude……

who the hell is camano anyway?

Posted in Uncategorized on July 7, 2010 by sesb2009

     The Colton Crime Capers go on week after week, month after month and year after year with reporters rolling down Camano Island from France, England, Brazil and every other country interested in international breaking news.  To say it’s a media frenzy is like saying the Gulf Spill will require some big sponges.

    The South End Chamber of Little Commerce, our bastion of entrepreneurial endeavor, doesn’t really like talking to reporters about Colton, something akin to Forks denying that vampires walk their streets after dark.  I guess the realtors hate having to explain the intricacies of alarm system technologies to every prospective shack buyer.  It’s a difficult enough market as it is  … and if you were looking for property with a small airstrip behind the carriage house and a hangar for your Cessna, well, probably there are better places to retire.

     Our tourism ad slogan — ‘the place to do nothing’ – always troubled us slackers down past Elger Bay Store.  We weren’t proud of unemployment and indolence.  We aren’t ashamed either, but hellfire, what kind of tourist promotion IS this?  Especially when we got the Mother of All Tourist Promotions going on for the past 3 or 4 years.  The Barefoot Burglar, the Camano Kid, the Flying Filcher, our very own international anti-hero.  The movies are being shot, the books are being written, the documentaries are being edited, the mom is hiring an entertainment lawyer, the deals are being made!  Rolling Stone has declared Camano officially the Cape Cod of the Pacific Northwest.  And we still want to be the place that does nada?  Maybe the Chamber  …. But the rest of us are ready to roll!  Tour buses, T-shirts, coffee mugs, souvenir shops:  we’re ready to cash in.  Camano, the island to do nothing?  We don’t need a new slogan, we need a new NAME.  Colton Island.  Nice ring to it.  Get off the hammock and call your commissioner today! 

Paid for by the Committee to Rename Camano Island