yelling ‘fire’ in a crowded restaurant

south end attrition

Some of you might remember when we had 11 band members.  Course, that was BEFORE all the guilt trips over Carbon Footprints, Energy Dependency and Flagrant String Usage.

 

     We want to be Responsible musicians in these Tough Economic Times.  We don’t want our kids thinking we brought the world to its knees with our selfish needs.  First we gave up the groupies, the drugs and the limos.  We quit changing strings more’n once a year.  And some of us apparently have vowed Never to change em again.  We started carpooling in Paul’s sportscar.  Pulled a little trailer for our gear and rode on the bumpers half of us.

 

   This year, like everybody else, we tried for a gov’t bailout.  Sec. Paulson was polite enuff but he decided with the South End String Band to draw a line in the shifting sand of capitalism and let the markets dictate our demise.

 

    But we went for Plan D —– Downsizing.  We drew straws, gave the losers a blindfold and a cigarette, told em they were saving the Band.  Oh, they sniffled, they begged, but in the end they knew it was a Far Far Better Thing They Did….

 

     Next year I expect it’ll be the South End Quartet.  Lean mean capitalist machine!   But this next song, we’ll give you big band version…. Listen for any mistakes — it’ll make our ‘selection’ process that much easier than counting who has the most string….

camano senior center car show concert

     Now I know a lot of you South Enders been thinking about that clunker for cash deal the government is offering, maybe trade in the old wheezer for a brand spanking new hybrid.  And we don’t blame you one penny pinching bit.  But before you run down to the CD store with your beat up, horrifically scratched copy of Victims of Unbridled Ambition by the South End String Band thinking you’ll get a complete set of 2010 Stanwoodopolis Gangsta Rap PLUS 3500 dollars from the government just to get those old cd’s of ours off the airwaves, let me caution you. I think the program was so successful they’re already out of money.  Don’t blame us, although we did trade our battered discs for Englebert Humperdink compilations and plan to use the clunker cash for making our next album.

 

    The race, as always, belongs to the hungry.  If you want to raise your spirits a bit, we got an offer almost as good.  Come on down to the Camano Senile Center’s Old Jalopy and Flea Market Show next Saturday August 8^th,  10 to 4.  The String Band will be playing our old time fiddle clunkers if we can clean the rust off from a month of R&R.  We’re gonna nitro charge the banjos, airscoop the bass, rebore the fiddle, hotrod the guitars, throw some hemis on the mandolin and then we’re airbrushing flames on the vocals, dropping the checkered flag, stomping the accelerator and see who’s standing at the finish.

 

     So don’t feel bad that you’re still stuck with your clunker.  You come on down to the old car show and we’ll show you age isn’t about rusting away, it’s all about the styling.  See you at the car lot.

car show and flea market at camano senior center

south end economic stimulus package (not a viagara ad)

CAMANO SENIOR AND COMMUNITY CENTER
SPAGHETTI ECONOMIC STIMULUS PACKAGE

 As most of you South End fiscally alert socialites well know, the Band was scheduled to play a benefit for the Camano Senile Center’s SIPS AND SUDS spring fundraiser this coming Sat. March 7th.  They were bringing in adult beverages for your sampling pleasure in hopes bibulous fun might mitigate your economic anxieties …. a proven remedy for the South End String Band.  Even in prosperous times…

    And the Band, ever eager to please, had been hard at work getting ready for this concert.  We’d worked on synchronized sipping until our wrists ached.  But I have to confess, we never really got very good at it.  Sipping just isn’t the Band’s style.  Guzzling, slurping, gulping, chugging, glugging, now THAT we got down.

     In the end we realized it just wasn’t going to work.  Sipping…..come on!  These are Tough Economic Times and they call for decisive action.  Sipping’s just a bit underwhelming when bold strokes are called for.   So the Camano Senior and Community Center decided to take a proactive path toward economic recovery.  Their stimulus package, conceived in the foggy weeks of this bleary, dreary winter, brings a ray of hope to the seasonally and fiscally afflicted.  In the recesses of its low wattage inner sanctum boardroom, the Center determined to act courageously, knowing half hearted measures would likely prove ineffective.  Difficult times call for decisive action.  Difficult times demand visionary thinking.  Difficult times require unified teamwork   They decided it was whole hog or no hog.

     In the end they approved an economic recovery package that may well prove to be a model for a national stimulus program.  If your 401-K has sunk lower than my Chevy on its rusted rims, if your credit cards are growing fangs, if your once friendly hometown bank is pestering you about that missed mortgage payment, you definitely will want to consider the Spaghetti Feed Stimulus Package the Center is offering on March 7th.  They’ll be operating the breadline from 4-7 and they’ll most definitely be serving adult beverages.    

    And if the promise of vino and brews gulped, not sipped, isn’t enough to lift your spirits, the South End String Band will lift those spirits FOR you, both literally and metaphorically.  Our intrepid band of fiduciary refugees who make their home in the fog-shrouded nettle regions of Camano’s backwashed southern climes, have been preparing most of our lives for the opportunity to pass on our South End fiscal wisdom, according to Skeeter Daddle, the Band’s investment guru.  If anyone can show you the path to Enlightenment Thru Unemployment, us folks can.  Don’t wait for the PBS series when you can fill your bellies and quench those nagging fiscal questions in one easy seminar.  Misery loves company so come on down!  We’ll all take turns on the pity potty.

     Mark your calendars.  Saturday, March 7th, 2009:  The Day We Fired Our Investment Counselor and Learned How To Maximize Poverty For Fun and Pleasure.     The good times are here again!

   SPAGHETTI FEED STIMULUS PACKAGE   4- 7 PM.  $10.50 for members and $12 for us huddled masses at the door. 
www.southendstringband.com